


Bleed On My Memories

by chevydeanpala



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-26
Updated: 2013-08-30
Packaged: 2017-12-24 17:31:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/942692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chevydeanpala/pseuds/chevydeanpala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m sure it’s just like riding a bike.”<br/>“I don’t know how to do that either.” Cas paused. “Alright, I’ll try.”<br/>“This ain’t gonna go well.”<br/>_______________________________<br/>Dean was right. It didn’t go well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> set towards the end of s7, an alternative twist of the events from 7x17

Cas walked towards the guards who were standing in front of the building. He could see their faces, their true form, the black smoke that was their soul, and they repelled him. But he had to keep walking because this man showed up on his doorstep and looked at him like he had found the sun after living his whole life in darkness. Because this man, this stranger, believed in him, counted on him, and the last thing he wanted was to fail him. So he marched on, hands shaking, till he reached the first demon. He stopped for a second, puzzled and unsure of what he was supposed to do, but then decided to stop trying to figure it out and just let it happen.

“Do I know you? You’re… dead.” The guard looked at him, head to toe, unable to comprehend why Cas was the opposite of what he had just said.

“Yes. I’ve heard.” Cas tried not to sound too surprised, because that would have given him away. After all, Dean, the man who sought out his help, had informed him. He didn’t explain why, though, but there wasn’t really any time.

Cas grabbed hold of the demon, expecting him to burst into pieces or at least collapse on the ground. It took him a split second to realise it hadn’t worked, so he went for the head. Guided by his intuition, he placed his palm on the vessel’s forehead. All of a sudden, the guard lit up from the inside, light streaming through his eyes and mouth. He yelled out, and dropped dead. Cas turned around to see a couple of more demons approaching him. Now that he knew what to do, he took them all out in no time.

Consumed by his killing spree, Cas didn’t even notice Dean and Meg, who approached him from behind.

“That was beautiful, Clarence,” said Meg and smiled at Cas, even though he couldn’t see it.

Dean was staring at him, thousands of thoughts running at top speed through his mind. _Is it possible that he remembered? Does he know who I am? Does he know who he really is?_ Instead of asking, he stepped forward and gasped his name, like a question, like he needed to reassure himself.

But Cas didn’t answer. He was lost in his own thoughts; he had shut the rest of the world out. _What did I just do? Is this normal? Can anyone else do what I did, see what I saw? Am I alone in this?_

“Cas!” Dean yelled, but nothing happened. His call blazed through Cas like cold wind.

“You better go check up on him, he might faint or something,” snapped Meg, and Dean was taken aback by the delicate note of concern in her tone.

Dean approached Cas and put a hand on his shoulder, as slowly as he could, trying not to scare him.

“Cas, what happened? Do you remember anything?” You could taste the hopeful flavour in his words. “Do you remember _me_?”

Cas sighed loudly and clenched his fingers into fists as he turned around and faced Dean.

“I am sorry. I am so sorry, Dean, I do not know you. Please, accept my apologies.”

The spark in Dean’s eyes instantly burned out. His smile faded and even though he tried to fake a careless expression, his face was drowning in disappointment.

“Oh, that… that’s okay. It’s okay. Thanks for taking care of the demons.” Dean coughed because he felt his voice cracking. He patted Cas’ shoulder, then let go. “I say we get a move on. I don’t know where Sam is, so we’ll have to find him. In the meantime we gank every son-of-a-bitch we come across.”

“Sounds like a plan to me. Would you be so kind to give me one of those special knives you’ve got,” asked Meg and held out her hand, as if she was sure Dean had an unlimited supply of demon-killing weapons.

Dean looked at Meg furiously and she took a few steps back.

“You should be grateful I even let you live, skank.”

“Fine, but don’t complain if we don’t make our way to your brother on time.” Meg sneered and pushed the doors open.  
“Cas, you coming?”

Cas nodded and followed Meg, and Dean closed the doors behind them. It was cold, the lights flickered, and the scent of medicaments was in the air.

“Sam!” Dean yelled out. His brother’s name echoed through the halls.

“Try again, sunshine,” A demon jumped in front of him and pinned him to a wall. “Oh, I will enjoy the taste of your thick head between my te-”

“Back off.” Cas held the demon’s head in his hands, killing him once and for all. “Are you alright?”

“Let’s keep moving,” Dean murmured, ignoring Cas’ question.

“Boys, little help here?” called Meg a few rooms across from them.

Dean and Cas rushed to help Meg, who was surrounded by a dozen tough-looking guards. Needless to say, they weren’t much of a challenge.

“Meg, any luck with finding Sam?” Dean managed to take a breath.

She shook her head.

“Maybe angel boy could scoop up the building and spare us the effort.”

“This room is full of dead demons. One more or one less, that depends on you.” Dean was pissed. First Cas doesn’t even recognise him, second his brother is nowhere to be found, and now this bitch’s being, well… a bitch.

“Dean. There is no reason to be mad at her. I know-” Cas tried to make peace.

“Oh yeah? What do you know, Cas, huh? What do you know when you don’t remember us? You don’t know what’s going on. You’re here to help and then you’re off, aren’t you?” Dean smiled bitterly. “You think you can help me, or my brother? Then let’s fucking find him so that you can,” Dean paused, searching for words. “Work your mojo on him. After all, that’s what you came for. That’s what I need you for.” He turned his back to Cas and exited the room.

Cas sighed and intertwined his fingers. He was confused and he needed answers, but all he got was trashy attitude and harsh remarks. Dean had entered his life like a storm; sometimes he was like lightning that lit up his whole sky, but sometimes he tore his world apart like thunder.

“Cheer up, sunshine. He doesn’t like me either.” Meg pointed out. “But if you wanna get on his good side, we better get going.” 


	2. Chapter 2

Dean had checked every room on every floor; he was desperate, and fear was lurking around his heart. He was headed for the basement, his last chance of finding Sam, when suddenly he was hit by a wave of hot air that smelled like burning plastic.

“Sam?” Dean started running, following the stench. “Sammy!”

“Dean!” The distant cry made Dean run even faster.

“I’m here, Sam, don’t move!” He yelled and turned back to see if Meg and Cas where behind him. “Damn it, I’m not waiting on you!” He passed a couple of doors till he reached the room where he thought Sam was. Instead it was dark, glass was shattered on the floor, and the walls were splattered with blood. “No. No, no, no.” Dean whispered, but at the same moment Sam called out again from the opposite room.

Sam was lying on a messy bed with no sheets and no pillow, like no one expected him to survive the night. He was breathing heavily; his chest was going up and down faster than usual, and his fists were clutching the mattress. The room was empty and unfurnished, save for the bed and a nightstand, where a glass of water and a couple of pills were standing untouched. A black spot on the floor suggested that something had been burnt. When Sam saw Dean his eyes lit up and he struggled to get up.

“No, no, Sam, it’s okay, I’m here.” Dean grabbed Sam and helped him up. “Are you hurt? What did they do to you?” 

“Dean, I’m-” Sam stopped, mid-sentence. All of a sudden he pulled away from Dean and stretched his arms out, as if he was defending himself. He could barely stand on his own feet so he leaned against the wall. “Stay away from me.”

Dean raised his eyebrows and took one step forward.

“Sam, it’s me. I’m your brother. Do you want me to prove it to you?” He took out Ruby’s knife, rolled up his sleeve and cut himself. “There, not a demon. Not a leviathan either. Are we good now?”

But Sam didn’t hear him at all. He wasn’t looking at his brother anymore; it was Lucifer standing in front of him. Lucifer who had kept him fully awake for five days now, Lucifer who had tortured him and toyed around with his mind like a kid poking a bug with a stick. He had weakened him, drained him, and now he had finally come to collect his prize.

“It’s sad how quickly you surrendered, Sam. As my vessel, as the chosen one, I thought you’d last longer.” Lucifer pouted and sighed. “But I guess nothing ever lasts forever, does it? College, Jess…” He started counting on his fingers. “Even your own brother, Sam. He gave up on you, too, not once, not twice. Where is he now?” Lucifer chuckled and Sam squirmed. “I have come to end you pain!” The devil clapped joyfully. “No one loves you more than me, Sam. You and I, we’re simply… meant to be!”

“No!” Sam bounced off the wall and threw himself at his torturer, only to run through his silhouette and hit the ground. Lucifer manifested a few times in different places, snickering, lingering only for a moment before vanishing.

“You’ll never catch me, Sammy. No matter how hard you try…” And he disappeared.

“Sam? Sam, are you okay?” In a second Dean was on the ground next to him. He held him still, checking for any sign of injuries. “What’s happening?”

Sam took a deep breath and looked around.

“You’re…” He blinked a few times. “You’re not Lucifer.”

“What? Of course I’m not Lucifer!”

“You came for me.”

“Are you kidding? Did you ever doubt that I’d come for you?” 

“No, I…” Sam rubbed his eyes. “My head hurts. Maybe I need those--”

“Pills.” Cas was standing by the door, staring at Sam as though he could diagnose him from a distance. Meg was peering behind him.

“Where the fuck have you two been?” Dean barked.

“Cas? Cas, you’re alive?” Sam’s eyes opened wide, but Dean elbowed him lightly and gave him a sign that meant “now’s not a good time”.

“We cleared out the building. Made sure no one could interrupt your,” Meg waved her finger at them, eyebrows locked. “Bonding moment.” She tilted her head and smiled at Dean. “Clarence here did a marvellous job.” The demon put her hand on Cas’ shoulder, but he shook it off.

“Dean, I think Sam needs to take those pills.” Cas rushed through the room and examined the medicine. “They will numb out his pain, but not for long. We won’t have much time.”

“Time for what?” Dean looked at Cas who was now kneeling next to Sam; glass in one hand, pills in the other.

“I will explain later. We need to hurry.” He handed Sam the drug and waited for him to swallow it with a sip of water. “Dean, if you could help Sam out. We’re leaving.”

“Leaving? What if Sam has a concussion? Where can we get more of these pills?” Despite protesting, Dean put his arm around his brother’s waist and stood him up. Sam was swaying, but he could walk.

“Dean.” Cas exhaled with aggravation. “Every staff member in this hospital was possessed. There’s no one left to take care of him.” 

“I’m fine.” His pale face suggested otherwise. “Let’s just go.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” Dean yielded.

The four of them were striding through the halls in silence, until someone inquired where they were going. After all, they had no home besides the car and the road, and now that they had killed so many demons at once, it was almost certain that Crowley had sent a new legion to hunt them down and make them pay. Sam desperately needed some rest, and he wouldn’t get it if he had to switch motel rooms every few days in order to avoid getting killed.

“We could crash at Rufus’ cabin. If we step on the gas we could be there in 20 hours.” Yawning and weary, Dean knew very well that he shouldn’t stand behind the wheel for such a long time, but right now he couldn’t care less about his own state. He had to get Sammy somewhere safe.

“No way you can survive a drive that long, sunshine.” Meg warned as they walked out the building. “And as far as I can see, only you and I are in condition to drive. We’ll switch.”

“Like hell we will. I’m not letting you drive my car.” Dean deadpanned but his inner voice found that proposition reasonable.

“Maybe we could go to my house. Daphne will look after Sam and we’ll keep them safe if some demonic guests decide to visit.” Cas offered thoughtfully. “Also it’s a 15-hour drive.”

“Dean, Meg and Cas have a point. If you drove by yourself, you’d collapse.” Like Dean, Sam cared about his brother’s health more than he cared about his own. “Also, nor the demons, nor the leviathans know about,” Sam hesitated. “His return. If we want to get out of harm’s way, we should go to—Wait, where do you live? And who’s Daphne?”

“My house is in Colorado, and Daphne is my wife. She found me when I was completely lost and oblivious of my past. I still don’t know who I am or what I’ve been through.” Cas sounded despondent. “Dean told me I was an angel, but I’m not sure if I believe that. Right now all believe in is that my name is Emmanuel and I am a just an ordinary healer.”

Dean looked at Cas pitifully. This man had saved him from rotting in hell, he had helped stop the apocalypse, he had fought side by side with them countless times, and now he couldn’t remember how graceful and powerful he was. He thought of himself as a squit, as someone who had been brought to life by God with only one purpose – to heal people. And even that didn’t make him feel any better, because he didn’t think of it as something special; it was just the right thing to do. The hunter caught his gaze and smiled at him. Meg noticed that and rolled her eyes.

Sam was too tired to understand the situation completely, so he just nodded at Cas and coaxed Dean to oblige. When they reached the Impala, Dean opened for the front door, but Meg surprised him by quickly snucking in.

“You’ve got no say in this, Dean-o.” She grinned at him and closed the door.

“Sam, when this is all over, I’ll kill her.” Dean was angry but also very tired, so he gave up arguing.

Sam half-laughed and got in the back seat. Dean was reluctant to ride shotgun next to a demon, so he joined Sam, which left that seat for Cas.

“Glad to have you next to me, angel boy.” Meg winked at Cas and proceeded to ask him for directions.

With a mellow tune on the radio and the quiet, reassuring murmur of Cas giving instructions, Dean and Sam leaned on each other and fell asleep immediately.

**Author's Note:**

> this work wouldn't exist without the immense help and support from my dear Marie (aka apocalypsecat, or chevycas on tumblr) i love you <3


End file.
